Solitary in Sanity

gala darling recently read the following in the Southwest Airlines Spirit magazine. She felt compelled to share it and so did I:

Grateful people reported feeling 25 percent more happiness & energy & 20 percent less envy & resentment in several recent studies at the University of California. They also slept 10 percent longer each night & exercised 33 percent more if they wrote down what they felt thankful for. “Gratitude,” Lyubomirsky says, “is an antidote to negative emotions.”

I read it last Thursday and every day since I have just been saying aloud what it is I am grateful for at that moment.

Today I am grateful for Jim. He’s not home and I’ve been in one of those moods. One of my “I’m so absent-minded, I left my ATM card in the ATM machine. I’m so worthless” kind of moods. Rather than be sad that I seem have trouble staying ‘up’ when he isn’t home, I’m just feeling happy to have him.

I should really write down what I say each day and post it weekly. I can barely remember the other things I have been grateful for this week. Although, “JJ, I am grateful for you and the fact that you’re handsome” does stick out in my mind.

Perhaps one my lovely readers would participate?

So I sent my 15″ MacBook Pro – that had suffered a fatal wine overdose – out to clear it of all its data in order to sell it. And guess what? It works. This is how the sitch’ was explained to me by the lovely tech-smart man “I basically gave it amnesia, so it forgets that it has water damage and so now, it doesn’t.”

Wow. Can someone give me amnesia so that I can forget all of the wine damage I’ve inflicted on myself? Apple Care? GeekSquad? Helllo?

Seriously, talk about a metaphor. This tragedy occurred just days before my “bottom.” Killing my 5month old Miss Mary MacBook was part of my whole destructive end. Now it’s all better…or so it seems.

making it sense of it all – lyrically

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you’d be around…

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong…

If you’re not an alcoholic, what you are about to read should seem pathetic. If you are, you’ll understand why Pink’s Who Knew – a song about losing someone – means so much to me. 80 days ago, I lost a very good friend. A “friend” that I thought would always be around. If you’d told me 6 months ago that this and friend and I would have to part for good, while I wouldn’t have punched you, I sure would have laughed. Without this friend, life is far more difficult. Sure, I’m moving on. But when bad days hit, they hit hard, because I don’t have my goddamn friend anymore.

I’m not a Pink fan, but a friend sings this song with her band and she rocks it. Listening to it a few months back, I made the connection. This is incredibly embarrassing. The end.

Through the amazing interwebz (more specifically, the blogsphere) I came across a young lady who is also new to sobriety. She prefers to remain anonymous so this is where my love for baby names comes in: I will name her Georgia. The following in an excerpt from an email I sent to Georgia in regards to my Saturday evening.* What did I do on Saturday? Oh, thank you for asking!

My husband is in a cover band (and an original band. i know it makes for conversation confusion. “wait, which band?”) They had a gig in his hometown at a wine bar. Let me repeat this for emphasis. A wine bar. Looking back, it was an okay time. How did I feel about it last night? I wanted to rip my insides out. Here is the letter, complete with omissions for a bit of anonymity on my part.

The funny thing is…I didn’t want a drink. When I first walked in and saw those beautiful, giant wine glasses filled with red, I longed for one briefly. It passed very, very quickly. For me the hard part was dealing with drunk people parents while sober. My anxiety is soaring after giving up the Paxil that I was on since November. My ‘bottom’ involves (AnyTown) and (a group of people). It seemed as if ALL of them were there.  It was too much of that, too soon. That was on Halloween and this was the first time I have been out in that town since.

So, I guess I can say I am proud that I didn’t want a drink. Staring at those drunk people gives me a glimpse of what I once looked like…and well if I never look or act like that again, I will be very, very content.

I really enjoy your latest posts. Read them all. Though, I think it shows me that really working the program isn’t for me. 90% of everyone I know drinks. I could never, ever leave them behind. I need them now. They’re not holding me back or bringing me down. My battle with sobriety seems to be somewhere inside of me. My terrible, terrible nights have all occurred at home, when I was alone. Left by myself with my thoughts and insecurities? The only time I want to get totally, fall down drunk is when I’m alone.

It appears we’re on two alternate paths to sobriety, but I enjoy having you just across the way…

*Dear Georgia, I hope this doesn’t cheapen our lovely, sober, email romance. I’ll call you. I promise ; )

Mary Pipher, {PhD} is absolutely brilliant. Reviving Ophelia Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls has been with me for well over a decade. I just pulled out my copy and found notes from a paper I wrote on it back in my first or second year of college. I love them. I love reading things that I wrote long ago. At any rate, I recently came across Writing to Change the World at my local library (shout to the old man crew that I hang there with on the regular. fist pump!). The book is perfect. I renewed it, just because I don’t want to give it back until my copy is here. The next day I happened upon yet another Mary Pipher book in the mental health section (of course I’d hang around there). Letters to a Young Therapist: Art of Mentoring – another gem.

How can one woman write so eloquently about writing, therapy and adolescent girls? More importantly, why can’t she be my mom? These are the questions I may or may not address in Week 2 of Women’s History Month. (Please turn off all cell phones and if you need to use the bathroom, you must ask for a pass).

In Ophelia, Pipher uses her years of experience in counseling teen-aged girls to tell their heartbreaking tales and the culture that surrounds them. In fact, she blames our culture for most of their problems, writing that it’s America’s sexist, “girl-poisoning” culture that gets in the way of their search for their true selves. In the notes I found inside the book I wrote “One would think that nowadays things would be easier for young women, since they’ve been born decades after the women’s movement…Things should have gotten better over the years…My generation has grown up in a world where women have had a vast number of opportunities…”

I go on to talk about Britney Spears as role model (look how that turned out. and we thought ‘hit me baby one more time’ was a bad influence). I mention this, and reiterate the words of 18 yr old me, because in the (almost) decade since I wrote them, things have only gotten worse. (Reality TV, anyone? ) It’s sad and it’s terrible and the only thing we can do is share books like these and the wisdom that we’ve gathered with younger generations of women.

So this post is really long and I haven’t even talked about the other two books. Finally, it doesn’t resemble a middle school paper, because those damn kids will use any bit of BS to fill the margins.

In summary (couldn’t resist) Mary Piper is a woman to honor. Her writing is down to earth, uplifting and makes you feel like a real smarty von smarty pants. You put down the book feeling more enlightened than you did before – and to me that’s what a good book does. Next up, I plan on reading The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families.

If you have any interest in any of the above mentioned topics, or if you have a daughter – do yourself a favor and check out Mary Pipher’s work.

Side note, or alternate timeline, if you will. Losties? Hello?

I had to mention this because that course, like this book, changed my life. After that it was all feminism, all the time. It inspired me to take on Women & Gender Studies as a minor. Not to mention, it helped me become awesome.

Pink is not my favorite color (sorry Aerosmith), but I do adore cherry blossoms. At least, I think that’s what these are. Along the same lines, horticulture and gardening are not my favorite activities. However, this photo, that comes from design is mine, is my favorite. That is, it’s the best photo I’ve come across all week…and I come across quite a lot.

Spring is on the way. And while we don’t have too many cherry blossoms or magnolia type, weeping willow-y trees around here, when I do see one – it perks me up. All of this certainly qualifies as rubies and love songs material.

Note to self: have someone who knows what they’re doing plant one of these in front of our next home.

Happy Weekend!  You’ll probably hear from me tomorrow. I do have a Women’s History Month post to complete!

How I have managed to coexist in this house with several delicious bottles of craft beer for sixty+ days – yet just had to walk a garbage bag filled with a package of double stuff oreos and a half-eaten, 1lb bag of peanut m&ms to. the. curb. –  is beyond me.

SuperManda, over at See.Want.Take.Destroy.Repeat. just finished up a series on happiness. I really enjoyed reading it…especially the parts that I know that I need to work on. I could comment on each of her top 10 ways to reach happiness, but I’d just be messing up what she has already said so well. And it would sound like a middle school book report and we know I already did that last week. So, go on over to visit her and check it out for yourself.

Her thoughts on forgiveness (number 9) struck a chord with me  and I made a mental, a web-based and an actual handwritten, note to come back and write about it here. I love this quote in particular:

“Forgiveness has nothing to do with “being the bigger person.” Rather, forgiveness is all about freeing up space in your life for happiness. I’ve been told being resentful is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Isn’t that the greatest?

Forgiveness has come up in a lot of conversations and situations in the past few months. You all know that I am not the cheeriest, most mentally sound person in the universe, but I rarely hold a grudge. I have never made a conscious effort to avoid doing so, it’s just ingrained in me somehow. I could be so outrageously angry with someone and get over it, without resolution, in just a short matter of time. In terms of small things, it happens every day. I simply cannot stay mad at my husband. In larger situations, I am never that “all I want is an apology” type person. If I end a relationship with someone, it’s because I’m tired of their BS, never because I am holding some grudge.

I guess this is why I have such trouble understanding stubborn people and why they hold grudges. How do you go to bed at night and get the hell out of it every morning carrying around all of that negative energy? The negative energy of other people, no less.

If you are holding a grudge, please – let it go. Free up that space for happiness. Quit drinking that poison – it’s killing you slowly, while your nemesis just keeps on keeping on.

…making sense of it all – lyrically.

Lucky I’m sane after all I’ve been through

Everybody says I’m cool

I can’t complain but sometimes I still do

Life’s been good to me so far

joe walsh life’s been good to me so far; found by scrolling through sirius channels.

Contrary to what you might believe – due to my love of peanut butter kandy kakes and hot chocolate – nutrition/eating well is a huge interest of mine. I was pleased to see that this is the issue that the First Lady chose to take on as her official debut in a high-profile policy role. The White House, led by Michelle Obama, recently announced an initiative aimed at revamping the way American children eat and play — reshaping school lunches, playgrounds and even medical checkups — with the goal of eliminating childhood obesity within a generation.

This is just one reason why I chose Michelle Obama as my first feature for Women’s History Month. (And suddenly this feels like a middle school essay)

For one, she’s beautiful and she has amazing style…something I have not seen in my lifetime as far as the White House is concerned. This may be meaningless to some people, but for me, style is right up there with character. If you think that makes me vain, go away. She embraces her fuller figure and she dresses accordingly. She doesn’t hide her hips and thighs, or try to stuff them into dowdy suits (Hillary. cough.cough), she cinches that waist and flaunts it tastefully.

I think she’s quite brave. As a wife, if my husband came to me and said “I want to run for president of the United States” let alone “I want to be the first black president of the United States” I would need more than a few minutes in a warm bath to think it through.

Of course, I’d stand behind anything my husband wanted to do…but it takes a strong woman to support a high profile career of any kind. Especially one that puts your family under constant scrutiny. Oh, and especially one that involves running the most powerful nation in the country during one of its most trying times.

The Let’s Move campaign means a lot to me, because as Michelle explains, “It’s not about weight … it’s about fitness and it’s about overall nutrition.” The world needs to know this. People don’t have to be model thin, perfect, sexy, love-handle free, bereft of cellulite. Love your body for what it is – after you suffer through a brief cardiovascular workout and give your body the nutrients it needs. And for god’s sake – stop eating McDonalds, stop drinking soda, and don’t for the love of baby jesus justify eating a chai/mocha/spiced/pumpkin latte with whipped cream every day.

All joking aside, we have to take care of our bodies. As a nation, we’re disgustingly obese. We wonder why people are afraid of universal healthcare in this country. How about because we eat and eat and eat and never exercise and THEN go to the doctor for a pill or surgery when our bodies react with clogged arteries, high blood pressure, heart attack or diabetes. Perhaps if you lifted a few weights and had ones less diet coke a week, you wouldn’t have back pain.

What was I talking about? Oh. So the Let’s Move campaign aims to reduce childhood obesity in the United States within a generation. Obama asked parents, teachers, physicians, coaches and kids to get involved and suggested they look at the new Let’s Move Web site for helpful tips, strategies and updates on beating obesity in children.

So, thank you Michelle. To this crazy broad, just this one task has made you a woman to honor. I hope that your campaign succeeds and that we’ll be talking about it for generations to come.

please note that for some reason this blog does not support characters other than letters in titles. of course i know that it’s “women’s or womenz” duh.