4 Weeks
12 Jul
It has been a month since we found out we lost our Lemon. Today’s date on my calendar is marked with a 15, how far along I would have been. Luckily, I only marked through July, so I won’t have to look at those numbers next month – especially 20, the halfway point. I cried today for the first time in a while. I know it will happen, I’m just tired of waiting. Unfortunately I am growing increasingly resentful towards complaining mothers, moms-to-be and those who were given a baby they weren’t even planning on. I guess this is something that will only get worse over time. The longer I go un-pregnant, the angrier they will make me. At the same time, I was comforted by this post (via ComaGirl). Looking back on her TTC process, Nichole from In These Small Moments says:
“Looking back, I realize that those months of trying made the joy of having this amazing baby girl even sweeter.
She was worth every single moment of effort and I will be ever grateful for her. I learned so much about myself, about Craig, and about patience.”
That’s something you can’t get without a whole lot of trying.
Each month, as I wait for my period to skip me, I am bonding with the little life that could be inside of me. We even came up with a funny name for the next one. It’s a cute one, with a sweet story. Hopefully I can share it with you soon.
i’ll keep getting my period in hopes that you won’t get yours!
fingers crossed. (for you)
internet vibes ~~~~~~~
Thank you Stephanie!
Nichole is absolutely right – and its great to read you being so positive – still get mad at those whiney moms though – they get up eveybodys noses.
I remember, when I lived life in those painful two-week increments, going to the grocery store and hearing mothers scream at their kids. It took everything I had in me to resist walking up and sharing my thoughts with them. It was (and still is) inconceivable to me how they could take their gifts for granted.
The month that we got pregnant with Katie, I consumed an obscene amount of pomegranate martinis. Maybe they’ll work for you too!
And I could easily ship you my microscope!
I’m sending you positive energy and will keep you in my thoughts.
Thanks Nichole! Though I think since Jim already got the job done once, his little swimmers are a-ok.
That must be so tough- my thoughts are with you!
I’m currently in the stage of “Thank God, I just got my period” even though I sort of secretly don’t want it to come.
I know it won’t be too long before it turns into obsessing over wanting a baby and then having to possibly deal with everything that you are dealing with.
Well good luck to you when the time comes, Suz. And thank you for stopping by!
I’m so sorry Brooke…
it’s so incredibly unfair how many unwanted pregnancies there are, and how many people are just undeserving terrible parents, and that amazing people like you and Jim have to go through this awful experience
hang in there
I’m so sorry
I can’t imagine. Don’t give up hope, though. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks, but am now 15 weeks pregnant with a healthy, strong baby. Good luck to you!
It will happen and you will be so happy when it does