Solitary in Sanity

Today I left a comment on a fairly popular blog… a comment that was contrary to the opinions what the writer and most of her readership would believe (this is a general assumption). Paranoid that I was going to get hate mail, I started to read back at some of the things that I’ve written. Particularly about drinking and loss. I came across this post:

“Today, when writing to a friend about our struggles with trying to conceive, I thought about what that therapist said. Writing, “Perhaps we are the lucky ones after all.”

Reflecting on this has been what’s getting me through today. Hopefully I can hold onto this…this realization of just how amazing my relationship will be with our eventual baby. Not a single day, a messy-faced kiss or even a poopie diaper will be taken for granted. I imagine cuddly moments wherein I tell my little one how they were a long awaited dream come true.

I dreamt about being a mommy my whole life.  When I met Daddy we learned that we shared the very same dream. Then one day, our little dream came true. That dream was you”

I love this post. It wraps up my growth nicely. And I’d like to think I am sticking to my guns. Not a single ache or pain is taken for granted. I am so lucky to be carrying this child. I look forward to her cries just as much as I look forward to her smiles. Whether I have an uber painful natural labor or end up in hospital being cut open, my level of joy will remain the same. The word “suffer” will never be associated with the experience.

I cannot wait to be a mother – through good times and in bad.

***No more than 10 seconds after I hit publish, I saw my belly MOVE. The first visible kick, followed by another. TRUE STORY. I guess she liked my post.

During the week where everyone is talking about what they are thankful for (aka, to me anyway, gratefulosity), I have to take a moment to talk about my dogs. To some, it may seem silly, but I am so, so thankful for their cute faces, little personalities, and endless amounts love and affection. Of course, there are several moments a day when I want to put them on the front porch wearing a for sale sign, but those moments are never worth talking about. Besides, they’d bark and bark to come back in anyway.

The other day my aunt was praising me for rescuing Lucy. It’s true, Lucy is a rescue dog, but this term makes me feel silly. If it weren’t for us, another amazing family would have scooped her up. We’re not talking about a 8 year old pitbull with fleas. Anyway, I commented on the wall post “sometimes I feel like she saved me.”

It’s true. Many people who know me probably think I got Lucy to make up for Lemon. The truth is, I’ve wanted another dog since soon after we welcomed JJ into our lives. I think dogs need a dog pal. So, briefly, Lu did occupy my aching heart and idle hands. But now? She’s just snuggled up into our hearts and JJ (though he’ll never admit it) adores her. Late at night you’ll find them head-to-butt, sleeping together. Or, when he’s snoozing in his bed she’ll waltz on over and you can catch him making room for her.

Our days are far more entertaining because of them. And our hearts, fuller. While I can’t wait to meet our human baby in May, there’s another moment that I long for – the meeting of all three of my children. I just know it will be love at first sight for all of us.

it seems that throughout my pregnancy, they’ve never left my side

sunday morning on the couch. note Lucy watching TV.

via Gala Darling

this is a great way to thank your host or hostess!

via books, paper, scissors

I’m not a joiner. I don’t join things, attend anything regularly and committee member, I have never been. This year when my cousin asked me to join the team of her 3 year old charity, saying yes was a no-brainer. I’ve watched closely as the past two events came together after careful planning and grass roots-style promotion. I’ve contributed by attending, finding a sitter for her girls or donating decor from my wedding. Now, with less on my plate and more time on my hands, she wanted me to take on a bigger role. Over the course of the past 8 months, a group of 5 women have met up, sent countless emails back and forth, brainstormed, promoted and sometimes begged to pull the third annual event together. This past Saturday all of our work paid off. The event was beautiful. From the weather to the decor to the food and entertainment, it was perfect. Best of all, despite the lowest attendance, we raised the most money ever. $2,600 will go towards granting a wish via The Make a Wish Foundation for a local family in need of a little cheer. So Saturday was just the beginning, now I get to look on as the fruits of our labor pay off – big time.

So I guess now I am a committee member and a joiner and a charity organizer. I was, I am and will continue to be (for as long as they’ll have me) a part of something great. Now I see what all the hype is about.

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GoodRaise.com

Make-A-Wish Foundation of New Jersey

wednesday –  I am grateful for Yoga. After a tough strength training workout on Monday, it was wonderful to stretch it all out

thursday – I am grateful that Jim has an opportunity to do what he loves. Watching him play drums on stage is just the best

friday – Google. Google, you are amazing

saturday – I am grateful that I was faced with a challenge (socializing with new people, while sober) and that I made it with little uncomfortability (a new word)

sunday – I am grateful for my Grandmom’s (in law) ham pies and more specifically – gaining family/holiday traditions from my in laws.

monday – I am grateful that I am not wealthy. Some wealthy people are downright selfish

tuesday – I am grateful to be married. I love falling asleep each night with him by my side

please excuse the lack of an apostrophe in the title…and tell my wpress theme to go scratch.

After this post I decided I wanted to do something here to record what I am grateful for each day, or at least regularly. Barb has been checking back in to let me know what she is grateful for…and well, I am grateful for that : )

For now I am thinking I will gather up a few days worth of gratefulosity (gratefuliciousness?) and post them here at some point during the week. Sound good?

friday 3-19 i am grateful that i am not a child in school. that i am not a kid that lives on someone else’s schedule or that has to take the bus – anywhere

saturday  3-20 i am grateful for facials, massages and the comfort found in spas.

sunday 3-21 i am grateful for the best inlaws in the world

monday 3-22 i guess i was an ungrateful bitch this day, because i.got.nothin. recorded

tuesday 3-22 i am grateful for peanut butter kandy kakes

*somebody, for the love of baby jesus, tell me how to get apostrophes to show up in my titles!