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She Speaks, Heart Swells

23 Jan

Elena started saying “Momma.” Well, it’s more like maaaMaaaa! (huge emphasis on the second M and finished with 4 exclamation points) a few weeks back. At first it was just like DaDa and BaBa (you know, the thing she never drank), pure baby babble. Now she says it as she comes my way, and when I am not in the room and she’s looking for me. It’s super sweet. It’s also bittersweet. I cannot believe that this little beauty I created is trying to walk and talk. One will be here before I know it. And I’m going to blink my eyes and she’s going to be asking to play with my shoes and handbags.

Her first snow…dusting, really.

Then it was 60 degrees

Helping daddy cook.

Happy Halloween

31 Oct

\

from Dr. Sacco (chief of neurosurgery and natural birth advocate)

i finally have a reason to enjoy the holiday again. of course, we cannot ever forget this

baby love

28 Oct

because i can’t hog all of this beauty…

these words are my diary screaming out loud

20 Sep

i’m jealous of anyone who has free time.

at least one day a week i want to be a plain old stay at home mom.

then i change my mind. no, i want to be able to leave the house to work.

and by friday, i am happy and grateful with the way things are.

but it’s wednesday, so i have to go.

bye.

where I say absolutely nothing that hasn’t been said before

29 Aug

Recently my cousin praised me for “listening” to Elena. She says she believes that there are a lot of miserable kids out there because parents don’t listen to them. This comment meant a lot to me. I learned so much about parenting from her, as I was there to help take care of her two girls in their early days. She has also worked with children in some form for most of her adult life. In a few months, she will be a licensed occupational therapist…and I’m proud of her! But I digress.

This comment didn’t just make me blush, it is connected to so much of what I have been reading lately. I’m not one of these new moms that owns a ton of parenting books, but because I am involved with social media geared towards parents and about children, thanks to KidCrave and my interest in natural childbirth and breastfeeding, I read a lot of articles posted online.

This one, posted in Psychology Today, sums up how I feel…and my cousin’s ideas about children.

Before I continue, I am in no way writing this to attack how you/your mother/your neighbor or you lover raises/raised a child.

I think a lot of the advice I was talking about here, can be related to this article. So many modern ideas of parenting stem from the idea that the behavior of babes should be tailor fit to your lifestyle. NO! That isn’t how it works in my book. They are new to the world, you cannot expect them to get on board with the life and the routine that took you over two decades to perfect. It’s ridiculous.

Of course there are many factors that can be thrown in to disprove this idea. I am lucky enough to work from home with my baby. No “work days” and no daycare.

A few weeks ago I made the decision to begin working at night, because Elena doesn’t nap well during the day. It felt like I was in front of the computer from the time I woke up until I went to sleep. I was, really. I was doing my best to hold, feed, distract her while getting in 10 minutes here and 20 minutes there. She wasn’t getting 100% of me and neither was my work.

Since she is very good about going down around 7pm, that was when my work day would begin. If I have to stay up until midnight, then so be it. Both things require my undivided attention.

So you see, I didn’t search for ways to train my daughter to fit into my work from home lifestyle. I imagine that some crying it out and television would get the job done…not an option. If I have to pull extra long days until she starts napping more consistently, then so be it.

She takes 20-40 minute naps all day. Very, very rarely, do I get an hour or more out of her. This is Elena. I can’t change Elena while continuing to honor my belief that babies should be treated with respect and that they should be listened to.

To some people this may just sound like I’m glorifying being a pushover. I can see that point. But this is what feels right to me. I don’t feel like a pushover. I’m compromising. I give her my day, she gives me a consistently good night.

We’re partners. We’re both new. We’re in love and we’re figuring it all out…in the way that feels best for both of us. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

Here’s a picture of my tiny partner (with my mother in law in Ocean City, NJ), just for fun : )

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

19 Aug

This article featured on Dr. Sears’ website (yes, I follow mr. attachment parenting) really struck a chord with me. It’s about handling criticism when dealing with a high needs baby. Now Elena isn’t really so fussy anymore, now that I’ve dropped the dairy, but in general, she has characteristics of a high need baby. Every now and then, I get some pseudo criticism for the way I parent her. As if my actions are the cause, rather than the reason for them.

This part in particular resonates with me:

The greatest challenge I have found has not been meeting the needs of my child, but responding to criticisms of our parenting style.

Without going into detail and talking about anyone in particular, Elena has, at times become fussy when there are LOTS of people around. When she is being passed around from unfamiliar hands to unfamiliar hands, she has freaked out. And it doesn’t always stop right away once I get to her. It’s like she wants out of that environment and she does not settle until we are in the car. Thing is, she normally hates the car. I truly believe she just wants to get the hell home to the place where it’s just momma, daddy, jj & lucy.

Along the same lines, I have heard comments about bottles, socks and eating solids. I know my baby doesn’t need any of these things. And I do not battle with myself as to whether or not she does, but having to hear about it from outsiders? That’s when I have a problem.

Elena doesn’t drink from a bottle. I’ve tried. I’m over it.

Elena doesn’t wear socks. It’s fucking August.

Elena will not be introduced to solids until around 6 months. This means I could start earlier, I could start later. And when she does eat solids, she most certainly will not be eating table scraps just because people think it’s cute to watch a baby make funny faces and big messes. She will eat veggies, fruits and whole grains. Babies eat for fuel, not pleasure. If you come near my child with spaghetti or chocolate cake, you won’t be seeing too much of her until she’s about 3.

Whew. Vent session complete.

Then my baby guru makes me feel all better when he writes:

Eventually, your child will become the living proof that what you have done is right. As your critics see your child blossom, they will realize that your heart did indeed lead you to the right way of parenting that child. A few may even be glad that you didn’t take their advice.

Rolling over before she was even 3 months old? Yeah, maybe she wouldn’t have done that if she was always wearing socks ; )

Stop! This Is It

14 Aug

Lately, whenever I am thinking about the future: when Elena can sit up on her own, entertain herself with toys, eat from a source other than my boobs, I yell, in my head: Stop! This is it!

THIS is what you dreamed about for years and years and years. You have a baby. You’re a mom. She’s perfect.

I need to stop looking forward to the next big thing, because this is it. Today. Right now. I am never going to get this moment back.

So an assignment that’s due on Wednesday or the fact that I might not have a clean towel for my next shower, can wait. Because this is it.

Still Here

6 Aug

…enjoying my baby girl, trying to find some sort of balance between motherhood and work, and spending time with family. overall, just soaking up the good in life. like Elena during her siesta at the racetrack:

Or here, just hanging with her puppy sister

I hope your summer is beautiful. Talk soon.

Full Nest

20 Jul

The other night while we were in bed…

Jim: “Remember when it was just us in the bed? Then him, then her and now look, all three of them lined up here.”

Me: “And we have to enjoy every minute, because before we know it, it will just be the two of us again.”

Jim: “Well I don’t want to think about that.”

I’m so lucky to have him.

Something Is Missing

14 Jul

I think about Toni every night and cry. This motherhood thing just isn’t the same without her.

I feel awful saying things like this, because it’s her family that is really suffering…

But I miss her too.