Recently my cousin praised me for “listening” to Elena. She says she believes that there are a lot of miserable kids out there because parents don’t listen to them. This comment meant a lot to me. I learned so much about parenting from her, as I was there to help take care of her two girls in their early days. She has also worked with children in some form for most of her adult life. In a few months, she will be a licensed occupational therapist…and I’m proud of her! But I digress.
This comment didn’t just make me blush, it is connected to so much of what I have been reading lately. I’m not one of these new moms that owns a ton of parenting books, but because I am involved with social media geared towards parents and about children, thanks to KidCrave and my interest in natural childbirth and breastfeeding, I read a lot of articles posted online.
This one, posted in Psychology Today, sums up how I feel…and my cousin’s ideas about children.
Before I continue, I am in no way writing this to attack how you/your mother/your neighbor or you lover raises/raised a child.
I think a lot of the advice I was talking about here, can be related to this article. So many modern ideas of parenting stem from the idea that the behavior of babes should be tailor fit to your lifestyle. NO! That isn’t how it works in my book. They are new to the world, you cannot expect them to get on board with the life and the routine that took you over two decades to perfect. It’s ridiculous.
Of course there are many factors that can be thrown in to disprove this idea. I am lucky enough to work from home with my baby. No “work days” and no daycare.
A few weeks ago I made the decision to begin working at night, because Elena doesn’t nap well during the day. It felt like I was in front of the computer from the time I woke up until I went to sleep. I was, really. I was doing my best to hold, feed, distract her while getting in 10 minutes here and 20 minutes there. She wasn’t getting 100% of me and neither was my work.
Since she is very good about going down around 7pm, that was when my work day would begin. If I have to stay up until midnight, then so be it. Both things require my undivided attention.
So you see, I didn’t search for ways to train my daughter to fit into my work from home lifestyle. I imagine that some crying it out and television would get the job done…not an option. If I have to pull extra long days until she starts napping more consistently, then so be it.
She takes 20-40 minute naps all day. Very, very rarely, do I get an hour or more out of her. This is Elena. I can’t change Elena while continuing to honor my belief that babies should be treated with respect and that they should be listened to.
To some people this may just sound like I’m glorifying being a pushover. I can see that point. But this is what feels right to me. I don’t feel like a pushover. I’m compromising. I give her my day, she gives me a consistently good night.
We’re partners. We’re both new. We’re in love and we’re figuring it all out…in the way that feels best for both of us. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.
Here’s a picture of my tiny partner (with my mother in law in Ocean City, NJ), just for fun : )
