Solitary in Sanity

I don’t have children yet. I have dogs. So for my first Writers Workshop c/o Mama Kat, (via ComaGirl) I am responding to the prompt:

Dear Mommy and/or Daddy…(write a letter to yourself from one of your children)

The following is a letter written to me by new puppy, Lucy.

—-

Dear Mommy,

I understand we are just getting to know one another, but I would like to point out a few things. Please read carefully:

I appreciate all of your housebreaking efforts and peeing outdoors is cool, but I much prefer to poop on your floors. You could stop wasting your time saying “potty outside” because all I hear is “blah, blah, blah. hard wood floors.”

It seems that you and other dog like to go for long walks. That’s nice, but I think you can continue to carry me like the princess that I am. It’s really the least you can do considering how many “Awwws” I am contributing to your days.

Speaking of other dog…biting his tail is a whole lot of fun. Would it kill you to slather it in peanut butter? It would make the whole experience that much more enjoyable.

Regarding the tall bald man: is he deaf? Because you seem to be the only one that hears my cries in the morning. You should really have his hearing checked, at least for the sake of those bags under your eyes.

Whew, I am glad I got all of that out. Now that you’re better informed as to how I prefer things to go down, the rest of this puppy period should go well.

Love,

Lucy (aka Lazy Lu)

P.S. My purple polka dot leash and collar are awesome. You have great style and I want to thank you in advance for never putting me in a tutu or a t-shirt featuring a (not so) clever saying that prompts people to laugh at me.

Turns out, we didn’t have to compete for our newest pup. The other woman had already adopted a dog (translation: she wanted no part of that fiasco). After much debate and going back and forth and calling her several different names, we settled on Lucy. I get the “Lu” I always wanted and Jim doesn’t have to feel lame saying LuLu. Plus, JJ & LuLu is a little cheesy.

Lucy is a little sweetheart, who just so happens to love biting on her big brother’s tail. Each day JJ inches closer and closer to her when they’re lounging around. If you ask him outright, he’ll tell you he’s not really into her. Though when nobody is looking and she’s been in her crate for a while, I’ll see him sniffing around trying to wake her up.

Being a family of four/mother of two isn’t double the work…it definitely feels like more than double. Keeping them both happy, housebreaking her and adding in another personality to our daily routine has been exhausting. But, so far, she’s totally worth it.

More on Lucy later.

I cannot believe it’s been just two years that we’ve been Mommy and Son. I barely remember life in this house without you. It must have been dreadfully boring. You captured mine and Daddy’s heart immediately and each day since, your spot has grown. My love for you doesn’t even fit inside my heart anymore…it has reached down past my belly button, throughout my legs and way down to my pinky toe.

You’re just the coolest, most handsome little guy ever.

Happy 2 year Love-aversary baby doll.  I can’t wait until the weekend so we can squeeze in some extra family cuddle time.

* and the King of the Cutes 


My Dearest JJ is two years old today…or at least that’s what the puppy mill breeder told us. I grow more and more in love with him every day. He truly is my little baby, sometimes he even lets me hold him like one. This morning I gave him a 20 minute massage as he bathed in the sunlight streaming through our bedroom window. Then he ate a pancake and made a large mess on the floor as a result. It’s okay, because it’s hees (JJ speak for ‘his’) birfday!

a good weekend. i looked forward to coffees and new sleek black rainboots and snuggles with jj and kisses from jim. guess what? it worked

i watched a ridiculous amount of murder-type shows on the Times channel (seriously, about 12). i also entertained several baby-related programs and did a lot of crying and talking to JJ about how cool it’s going to be when he has a little brother or sister.

enough sap for you? fear not, i’m sure to be pissed and whining again in no time!

Bedtime (almost) stories. As told to JJ by Mommy.

JJ, do you have any fucking (you can curse during doggie bedtime stories) idea how lucky you are to be a dog? If there is a god, he loved you enough to send you on over in dog form. This form, human form, female form…sucks. You are so handsome, you are so loved, you have good hair (those knots are my fault) you may be black but you and your species know no race, no discrimination. You don’t have to worry about what the mail carrier thinks when delivering two unemployment checks to the same house. You bark at him still. What do you care? You won’t get cravings to wash it all down with massive amounts of booze. You won’t tell yourself everyday that you need to run to the Dr. for a prescription to make it all easier to deal with. Hell, you don’t even have to wipe your ass…ever.

Ya got it good my little pupper. I love you so much, even if I am a little jealous.

If you’re thinking about marriage, this is a must read.

I feed my JJ cooked chicken, ground turkey or ground meat mixed with his dry food. For the most part, the dry food is left untouched, but I take it away and give it right back to him with his next meal, and if the little bugger is hungry enough, he’ll lick his bowl clean. No nonsense Mama. This morning after convincing Jim that it was in fact his turn to take him out, I realized I had no “real food” to give him. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the handsome little devil hops onto the bed and gets right in my face. In doggie to mommy mental language he said: “Daddy done lost his mind, because there is definitely something missing from my breakfast.”

I finished getting ready early so I decided to go to the supermarket to grab some chicken to have for my little boy’s dinner. Once finished, with 26 minutes to spare (and a 12 minute commute to work) I headed home to drop it off so he can have a proper breakfast. Plus, I had some Kashi pizza and yogurt that if brought to work would probably be forgotten. On my way home I called Jim several times . I wanted him to meet me outside to save me the trip in the rain. No dice. So I charge into the house, after nearly killing a garbage worker in my driveway, put the goods away, all the while shouting out things like YO!YOU CAN’T PICK UP THE PHONE? CHICKEN. FRIDGE. FEED THE DOG. NOW I WILL GO TO WORK IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED ME TO DO! that last part wasn’t very necessary, because nobody told me to go to the supermarket, but whatever- if you run a household you feel me.

A few hours later, at my desk I receive the following text message from my darling husband, that I swear I really do love: There’s no foil to wrap the extra chicken you know.

Need I say more?

After being away for just about 35 hours, I’ve compiled a list of things that i love/miss when i am away/enjoy coming home to:

If you follow me here, you know many, upon many, upon many things that make me unhappy/grouchy/cranky/absolutely insane. I am aware that happy posts are a bit less frequent. I hope you don’t think this is because I am generally unhappy. Generally cranky, yes. Generally unhappy, no.

So, Naomi @ Rockstar Diaries started a discussion on happiness. She asked her readers to send her a list of 10 things that make them terribly happy. And whatdya know? I did just that.

So, my precious readers, I share with you 10 of the many, upon many, upon many things that make me terribly happy:

1. When babies nuzzle their heads on my chest
2. Designer jeans
3. The sun warming my face
4. Good hair days
5. Sat. AM cuddle fests with my husband and our puppy.
6. Being on time
7. Freshly cut grass
8. Eating blueberries straight from their bushes*
9. The end of a workout
10. When my puppy sighs heavily, as if he has had a rough day.

*more on blueberry season and my blueberry family to come : )

Ugh. Friday posts should not begin with UGH. Old age decided to provide me with allergies, so every bright and sunny morning results in a heavy, heavy head and stuffiness. Do you know what it is like to actually muster up the energy at 6 am to do yoga only to blow snot as you exhale into down dog? Maybe you do. Well, I gave up after 20 minutes and got back in to bed for an hour and a half. Who does that? Wakes up early to workout only to get back into bed?? No wonder I’m grumpy.

JJ likes to steal my deodorant and use it as a chew toy. Lucky for me I have a spare stick in the bathroom. Great, I’ll just apply it on my way out the door. Except that I forgot. So yeah, 70 and sunny with a chance of underarm odor.

Happy Fucking Friday. I swear I’ll find something happy to talk about. Wait, wasn’t I happy like two days ago?