Day One

Due to my severe “she can do it better” disorder , rather than explain what I have gone through in the last 30 some odd hours, I will link you this post . I read it months ago, and though it resonated with me, I hadn’t hit my rock bottom. Linda @ all & sundry explains it well. This part especially:

I spent years of my life drinking on a regular basis. Drinking for the specific purpose of getting drunk, for the most part. I never could have one glass of wine and I still can’t wrap my head around the concept that there are people in the world who can. You mean you don’t finish the glass and have another and another and empty the bottle then switch to mixed drinks and eventually wake up with a vicious, soul-destroying hangover, the only coherent thought in your head something along the lines of oh my god this sucks when can I have another drink? Huh. What’s that like.

I call today, November 1st 2009, Day One. I think that since I am not big on capitals and I hate having to capitalize God, because I don’t believe in the guy, from here on out I will capitalize Day One.

I see a long, long road ahead of me (and us). I already feel a little better, but I fear the bumps. Fuck, the mountains. Mountains called Jim playing a show at a bar, Thanksgiving, dinner with Jim’s HS pals (and their wives!) Christmas, New Year’s Eve. This is where not-for-me faith-based recovery programs would tell me to take it one day at a time.

Ok, Mr. 12 Step: Monday. As in today. How’s that for a bump?