i lost my way and ran out of tools
21 Jul
because my midday emails express just what i’m feeling, just when i’m feeling it, i’ve pasted one from Tuesday below. today, i got a hair cut, left the house for a meeting with clients and things were much,much better.
Each day things get worse, not better. Like with death they say time heals you…but with this, the longer I go without being pregnant, the worse it gets. I cry at the sight of babies, baby things, pregnant women. I know I will have a baby one day, but that doesn’t help my philosophy of getting through today. It hurts today, I don’t care about tomorrow or 10 months from now.
I’ve been crying every night since Thursday. I comforted myself by saying it was only at night, I just need to keep busy with work, dinner and reading during the day/evening. Well I started crying before and my heart was pounding so much I was afraid of a panic attack. So I laid down and fell asleep.
I’m waking up early, exercising, eating right, keeping busy with work, trying to stay positive. Nothing is helping to ease the sadness.
I’ve run out of tools in the toolbox.
—
I need to get back here.
I don’t have any good advice and for that I am sorry. I hope that each day does get a tiny bit easier for you. Hugs.
Perhaps you should just let yourself feel it through and cry whenever you need to, without putting expectations on yourself. We do that enough in life outside of special circumstances. You experienced something very sad, it’s perfectly okay to mourn it. It’s perfectly okay for you to feel however you want to. ((hugs))