If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…
19 Aug
This article featured on Dr. Sears’ website (yes, I follow mr. attachment parenting) really struck a chord with me. It’s about handling criticism when dealing with a high needs baby. Now Elena isn’t really so fussy anymore, now that I’ve dropped the dairy, but in general, she has characteristics of a high need baby. Every now and then, I get some pseudo criticism for the way I parent her. As if my actions are the cause, rather than the reason for them.
This part in particular resonates with me:
The greatest challenge I have found has not been meeting the needs of my child, but responding to criticisms of our parenting style.
Without going into detail and talking about anyone in particular, Elena has, at times become fussy when there are LOTS of people around. When she is being passed around from unfamiliar hands to unfamiliar hands, she has freaked out. And it doesn’t always stop right away once I get to her. It’s like she wants out of that environment and she does not settle until we are in the car. Thing is, she normally hates the car. I truly believe she just wants to get the hell home to the place where it’s just momma, daddy, jj & lucy.
Along the same lines, I have heard comments about bottles, socks and eating solids. I know my baby doesn’t need any of these things. And I do not battle with myself as to whether or not she does, but having to hear about it from outsiders? That’s when I have a problem.
Elena doesn’t drink from a bottle. I’ve tried. I’m over it.
Elena doesn’t wear socks. It’s fucking August.
Elena will not be introduced to solids until around 6 months. This means I could start earlier, I could start later. And when she does eat solids, she most certainly will not be eating table scraps just because people think it’s cute to watch a baby make funny faces and big messes. She will eat veggies, fruits and whole grains. Babies eat for fuel, not pleasure. If you come near my child with spaghetti or chocolate cake, you won’t be seeing too much of her until she’s about 3.
Whew. Vent session complete.
Then my baby guru makes me feel all better when he writes:
Eventually, your child will become the living proof that what you have done is right. As your critics see your child blossom, they will realize that your heart did indeed lead you to the right way of parenting that child. A few may even be glad that you didn’t take their advice.
Rolling over before she was even 3 months old? Yeah, maybe she wouldn’t have done that if she was always wearing socks ; )
Ha! Today while out at lunch I saw a grandmother give a 5 or 6 month old a little iced tea from her straw and everyone at the table laughed at the baby’s response.
Why does anyone think they can tell you how to raise YOUR baby? They haven’t walked in your shoes, and no one will ever know your baby like her parents do. It sounds to me like your baby has personality! Elena isn’t afraid to let you know what she wants and doesn’t want–this is a very healthy sign (and a sign of high cognitive activity btw). But that is all besides the point. The problem isn’t you or your baby at all. It’s that people think they can tell you what you should do when, even IF they were right (which it sounds like they’re not), it would STILL be none of their business unless you asked for advice. I guess it hits a cord for me because I work in schools and some of the people I work with really think they could raise some of our students better than their own parents. Something tells me you have come up with some great responses to such nosey people!
Also, baby feet are cute. Don’t you dare cover them up.
Ahhhh. I could have written these exact words! I particularly get it form my in-laws. They are all about the formula and giving babies white rice cereal at 8 weeks, etc.
Since you’re at home, you’ll survive without bottles. Does she take a pacifier at all? We had a struggle with bottles and he took to the Mam bottles immediately. They have the same nipple as their pacifiers and those are the only binks he will take too. I tend to EBF when I can, but I won’t deny, sometimes it is nice to take a break and know there is a stash in the freezer anyone can give him.
Just got finished reading Positive Discipline: The First Three Years by Jane Nelson etc…
I originally downloaded it to my Kindle because I needed a fresh angle while parenting wily Mr. Sammy-pants, but found a lot of good “advice” and information about Annie’s age. It helped me affirm I am doing the best thing by going with my gut and heart where parenting is concerned.
I get annoyed by the quick furrowed brow of my mother-in- law (who is all too kind and sweet, but can’t keep her face from showing disapproval if even for a flash) when I say Annie is still happily sleeping between Jed and I. And sometimes Sam…
Skim through the chapters about infants and even the “autonomy” stuff if you see it at the book shop. You won’t regret it. I get the feeling, through your posts, that we have similar “styles”.
Ps- I’ve stopped trying to give Annie the bottle, but my husband would like to be able to feed her, so we might try on and off again soon. He is jealous of me and my boobies.
Love the photos, too.
Thank you everyone, for taking the time to comment. Angelique, she does not take a paci. Now that she is teething, I kind of wish she would! I came over to your blog and tried to comment 100 times from my phone and I ended up giving up. I’ll be back soon!
Stephanie – I will check out that book & keep us posted on the bottle.
Amanda- thanks for cheering me on.
You’re welcome! I was reminded of this post the other day…
My family is in the process of looking for a nursing home for my dad who has had early onset dementia for the past 10 years (possibly more). The other day I heard a woman telling my friend about how she works with people who have dementia, and of course I opened my big mouth to see if she know of any good homes. She didn’t. But she did proceed to tell me that he doesn’t need to be in a home. He should go to a senior day center where they will take him bowling and to the mall (the man can barely feed himself, let alone bowl). She then had the nerve tell me that he should be medicated to make him more “docile” and “cooperative.” My family is determined to take a non-pharmacological approach. This woman wasn’t even a doctor or a certified anything. I wanted to scream!! Anyway, after I cooled down, I thought of you and this post and how AGGRAVATING it is when people think they know how you should care for the people they love.
*for the people you love
Most help articles on the web are inaccurate or icnhoernet. Not this!