Now I’m a Believer Pt.1

With this experience, I have found religion. Post miscarriage, I believe. I believe in my body. Allow me to explain.

You may know I’m a bit of a natural, for lack of a better term. I’m not a full on vegan, composting, bike to work kind of gal, though I do help the environment by working from home – wink. I practice a fairly healthy lifestyle. I believe in eating food with the fewest possible ingredients, looking to my diet before consulting a doctor about an ailment, breathing deeply when I’m feeling overwhelmed, taking a walk before taking an advil, saying no to a plastic bag whenever necessary. Along the same lines, I am very passionate about natural childbirth. We planned on a birth center birth, in an effort to avoid unnecessary medical interventions during labor and delivery. So when we got the news that our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks, I immediately knew which option I’d go with. The OB at the hospital that my midwife sent me to after observing that my uterus was not where it should be, said I had three options. (that sentence is weird, i’m over it) She said I could 1.wait it out, and that there was no harm in doing so, as my body will do what it has to. 2. Have a D&C. 3. Take some pill to induce the miscarriage. Clearly, I went with option one. I have a history of cervical issues and I did not want anyone manipulating it further.  I also didn’t want any procedure holding up our efforts to try conceiving once again. Going the natural way means you can get back to bed that much quicker.

With this information and newfound sadness in our hearts, we came home on Tuesday night and grieved. Together, we spent the following day grieving, crying, trying to make each other laugh, getting angry and at last, talking about our future as parents. Knowing that we couldn’t stay in the house any longer, we decided to head to the beach on Thursday. Jim is not a fan of lying on the beach, but was excited to show me around the boardwalk where he spent his summers as a kid. We laid on the beach and had lunch, then we packed up and strolled the boardwalk. We both got a little of what we wanted. We were happy, smiling, and healing with the help of some old fashioned vitamin D.

That night before I got into bed I started cramping pretty badly…

and with that I’ll stop. more tomorrow.