The “Whoa” Factor
14 Apr
I’ve sung her praises before, but if you enjoy Stefanie Wilder Taylor, be sure to read this interview with her over at Drinking Diaries. Below I’ve pasted my favorite part – a.k.a the part when I was nodding my head in “Yes. Yup” agreement (that and the part about When A Man Loves A Women, a movie that i was always strangely attracted to. recently, after my husband asked how we can ‘fix’ me, i had it in our Netflix queue faster than i could reply “we can’t”).
What did you like most about drinking?
The thing I loved, loved, loved about drinking was the way I felt after a couple of glasses of wine. All the edges were smoothed out, I liked everyone around me just that much more, things seemed more doable. Drinking felt like an audible sigh. If I could’ve figured out a way to capture just that feeling every night, I would never have quit. I just couldn’t walk that line between slightly buzzed and asleep for more than thirty minutes. There was also the slight problem that I never felt like I’d had enough. If buzzed was good, drunk would be better and it never was.
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Yesterday while G-chatting with my BFF (i always feel like she thinks i am slightly overreacting with this whole drinking thing), she helped me get through a rough day simply by listening. I really, really wanted a drink. I was convinced that one of my burps tasted like a gin & tonic – that’s how bad it was. I explained to her that having one day where I allowed myself to drink would never, ever work. She responded by saying that I was able to do it before my wedding; a time when I was conscious about my weight, skin, overall appearance. I had to explain that yes, I limited the amount of days in a week that I drank (down from 6-7 to about 2-3), but never how much I drank once I started. I went on to say that in my belief, an alcoholic (or problem drinker, to put it nicely) isn’t defined by how often they drink, but by what happens to them after the first…or say, the third. A ‘normal’ drinker will stop and say “Whoa, I have had a little too much to drink. I better stop.” A problem drinker keeps on drinking until (in my case) they go to blackout—->pass out phase.
I want that “Whoa” Factor so badly that I can taste it. Or, burp it. I don’t have it, and I know that I probably never will.
Fast forward to dinner with said BFF and this fine young lady: They both had one drink each. I was jealous and awkward at first, especially staring at the extensive craft beer list on the chalkboard in front of me, but at the end of the night I realized: one would have never been enough for me. I would have been chuggin’ long after their brains told them to “whoa” the hell down. And that my friends, is the difference.
Very proud of you for not giving into temptation.
Something about the word temptation makes me think of that prayer (yeah, I don’t know which one) and I wanted to add an Amen to that comment.
Darn that Catholic brainwashing.
I was visiting my estranged hubby the other day (I’ve bored you with the details before) and in an effort to come to terms with his current state asked him why/what it was that made him want to drink; he said “Boredom, disappointment and because it was there.” Its not great to be told that your so boring (or disappointing?) to be with that you’ve turned someone to drink but I realised that wasn’t what he meant – he meant the excitement that he felt as the first drink of the session hit him; the disappointment is that you only get that buzz on the first drink – after that its all an anticlimax. I’m running the Brighton Marathon this weekend – the buzz is already hitting me and it will last much longer than any drinking session! Sorry to always sound so preachy but I’ve seen this stuff effect my whole family and I don’t want it to ruin you and yours.
Oh yeah. I so relate to never having enough once you start. It’s not pretty to remember that feeling. I am proud of you for quitting and sticking with it, without AA no less.
I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. Thank you for posting this and for encouraging us all to think about what we’re doing when we drink.
Among emails regarding payments due and work to be completed…seeing notices of your comments is such a heartwarming treat. thank you for your continued support.
Is a propensity to addiction a definite sign of an addictive personality? I know that craving for that buzz but why must we seek it destructively? Is there no way to quench that desire positively? I do think you are right about not even going there…the problem with the addiction always comes once you start. I think the influence of alcohol destroys your willpower but what is my excuse for all other things where my tendency is to think, “a little is good, a lot would be GREAT!”????
Kudos to you for holding on.
Hi! I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to tell you that it does, in fact, get easier with time (I know, people probably tell you that all the time…but it really does!) My sob. date is 12/13/08 so I’m pretty new to this whole process myself and would love to chat with you
have a beautiful day!
Thanks so much for stopping by Nikki and for your words of encouragement. It’s gotten a little bit better already ; )